To Cut or Not to Cut

Warning: The following you already know

Ever been in a situation when you've had to passaggio del gas but you weren't sure if relieving yourself would result in an embarrassing moment when someone walks by before your nuke could dissipate it's radiation?

WELL NO MORE!

I'm here to help you with this simple rule of thumb: The smell can never beat the ventilation. For example, you could drop a Defcon 1 Hiroshima Suzuki Yamato Canon A-Bomb but if you're in an open parking lot with a nice cross breeze you better believe that the chances of collateral damage are slim to none. However, try shooting a simple Defcon 5 Non Bio-Chemical Smart Bomb in an enclosed room and you and your loved ones will surely pay the price.

The test: For your benefit I took this theory and tested it out. I used three different locations with three very different air flows: Walmart, McDonalds, & my Car. To make the test fair i used a controlled gas release of approximately 2-4 seconds with a maximum of 1-2 bursts. After releasing flatulence I inhaled the surrounding gas infused air in intervals of 2 seconds. We will refer to the point of being able to notice gas "Danger" and the point of not being able to notice gas "Safety". Here's what I got. In Walmart with a 3 second double burst it took 2 seconds to enter the danger zone and approximately 30 seconds to reach the point of safety. Not bad, the window for collateral damage was only 28 seconds. Mcdonalds test received similar results with a window of only 20 seconds. With a 2 second single burst it took 4 seconds to enter the danger zone and approximately 24 seconds to reach the point of safety. The last test, my car, proved to a be a challenging test with an enormous window for collateral damage. With a 4 second single burst it took 2 seconds to reach the danger zone and approximately 1 minute to reach the point of safety. That's nearly a minute window! The tests were completed and the conclusion proved the theory to be true.

Conclusion: Don't fart in the car you bastards!!

Some other things to keep in mind. Windows of collateral damage can be reduced by your surrounding temperature and smell. Example: Farting in the seafood section of an Asian market, OK. Farting in a dry sauna, NOT OK. Also, windows of collateral damage can be reduced by actions such as fanning and "crop dusting" which is the passing of flatulence over an area causing the gas to clean air ratio per cubic foot to increase in favor of the clean air.

Until next time: Be mindful of your surrounding and cautious of civilians

Disclaimer, none of the tests actually occurred lol. I am a failed scientist

-j.Frosty

yar yar ay yar

Funny From Facebook:

FUCK PERIODS...............................
GOING TO BED ON WHITE SHEETS ,
THEN WAKING UP ON THE JAPANESE FLAG.

Update:
Mutha Russia is learning how to cook! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
...
(time passes)
...
Mudbutt -_-

ICA is having a fiesta this weekend, our family along with Christine and Judy's family are in charge of the Vietnamese Booth, time to wow some white folk. It'll be in Monrovia just north of Albertsons on Huntington, come out and support yall! Tip enough and i might sing and dance while wearing the communist hat!

Something really gets on my nerves but i forgot what it was...
-j.Frosty

Under Construction

As you can see, BiA is currently under construction.

Submit your ideas for the new layout now!
No idea is too extreme!!!

JuMex: Is it worth it to drive to a cheaper gas station that's farther?

This post will probably be the most useful of the JuMex topics ever. Don't worry, next time I promise that JuMex will return to being totally useless.

Thanks to Excel, I can quickly do some calculations on when it is a good deal to go to a farther gas station. The equation at the core is simple (money saved at station) - (money spent to drive there). This chart is calculated at the current gas price of $4.00. For example if you buy ten gallons of gas at a station that is 10 cents cheaper than another station, you have saved 10*0.10 = 1 dollar. And if your car's gas mileage is 25 mpg, and the gas station is 3 miles farther (6 miles round trip), then the cost of you driving to that station is 4/25*6= .96 dollars. That means you save 1.00 - 0.96 = 4 cents. Hardly worth your time. Of course when you fill up a big SUV (20 gallons) you save more and so it makes driving farther worth it. A bigger gas price differential (20 cents instead of 10 cents) also makes driving farther ok. A car with better mileage (like say a Prius at 40 mpg) also makes driving farther worth it. The total opposite makes you lose the most money. It's not worth driving a SUV to a station 5 miles away that's only ten cents cheaper to only fill up ten gallons. You will lose 1 dollar and 67 cents.

As I said before, this chart is based on $4.00 gas. As the cost of gas drops down, you are able to drive to a farther station and still break even. The reason is that gas stations keep an absolute price difference, not a relative percentage difference. When a certain Arco is 4.00, a certain Chevron is 4.20. When that Arco is 2.50, that Chevron is 2.70. The difference is still always 20 cents. Which means as gas prices drop, you save more money at the cheaper station because the percentage saved is larger. The opposite is also true, as gas prices rise, a 10 cent differential means nothing to the total cost of your car's tank. To give you an example, if gas at Costco cost $75.10 and gas at Chevron cost $75.25, would anyone bother to save a measly 2 dollars when a full tank costs 1125 dollars? Hell NO.

Useful website: www.gasbuddy.com

Some Relationship Advice for Ladies

Finally, something not sarcastic.... NOT. No really here's some useful information. Pulled of course, from "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus".

How can you get a man to do something for you? Ask him nicely and give him a reason why you'd like him to do it. You have to ask directly and not subtle-ly because hints to not work, we don't read body language as well. For example, if my mom tells me to vacuum the house, I will do it when it's appropriate for me, like when I'm taking a study break. So I might wait until a couple days later or even the next day. But if she says that I need to vacuum because we have guests coming over in an hour, I will drop what I'm doing and do it right away. Just don't lie. You will be like the boy who cried wolf. Or you need help moving some boxes? Tell the guy that you need help because it's a little too heavy for you. He will be more likely to do it sooner because it shows that his help is actually needed rather than just a case of you being bossy. And this is the most important about asking a guy for your help, thank him with a smile. Women like to feel cherished and loved, men like to feel appreciated and needed.

The reason you need to acknowledge him and not abuse your requests is this: a guy never asks another guy for help (like ask for directions) because he wants to do it himself. So when a guy asks another guy for help, its something rare, and another guy will not turn it down because he knows that guy wouldn't ask for help if he could do it himself. The reason men hate some women is that they are NAGGERS. That's right the N word. They can easily do many things themselves but they just direct or ask for everything. Don't abuse your privileges with your male friends. Sure you can get the pushovers to do anything you want, but a real man will call you out on it. That is why when you ask a man for help, you should give him some reason, it will encourage his subconscious mind and he is more likely to do it. And thanking him after is positive reinforcement.

Also, how do you score points with men? Besides the obvious answers of looking pretty for him and initiating intimacy, you can score huge points with men by being understanding when they have failed. [Example: when Frosty fails to cover me in Battlefield when I defuse the bomb, I'm not gonna call him a crappy sniper. He simply just missed on this one shot.] Guys treat their friends failures with the best possible gift: silence. We pretend that it never happened. So when your guy friend is driving and seems lost, give him some time to figure it out (besides if you're pushing for time, it's most likely your fault that you guys left late). If he's still lost after some time, don't accuse him of anything. Don't say "do you know where you're going?" or "we're lost aren't we?". Instead use neutral words like "this area is confusing, let's pull into that gas station and see if they can help us out". Don't make him feel inferior. Your man will appreciate you and shower you with love. Another thing, if a guy is a bad driver, try to not say anything. But if you feel afraid for your life give him specific things like "please don't follow that car so close, I'm uncomfortable". Don't say "you are a horrible driver!"

Also theres another thing you need to realize. If a guy looks tired or is not talking to you, he's just tired. He's not ignoring you. Guys relieve their stress through quietness, not through talking like women. [example: do you know what guys talk about in the restroom? nothing, we avoid each other and go to the farthest stalls away from each other.] When your boyfriend comes home from a stressful day and you want to talk to him, give him thirty minutes to himself. In fact give him a beer or soda when he walks through the door. He will appreciate it. He needs the quiet to recharge. After that half hour you can talk to him and he will be much more attentive and reciprocating than if you had not given him that quiet time.

Lastly, if you're debating or arguing, realize that we use words literally, not figuratively. If you say "this is the hundredth time you've left the toilet seat up!" I will respond with "no it's like only the seventh time" Or if you say "you never take me out on dates anymore" I will respond with "what I took you out two months ago". What happens is that it ends up worse because while you think that you're giving out a plea for help, you think we are being uncaring. On the otherhand we think we are being reasonable and we think you are batshit crazy. When you are mad at a guy, use literal words and get to the point. There is no way for us to guess what you want.