Rosetta Stone For The Womanese Language

You ask her if she’s mad and she claims that she’s not. Later on, she lashes out at you for not knowing she’s been upset. Sounds familiar? Before you are tempted to raise your hand and give her five fingers to the face, let me help you out!

It’s safe to say that guys are usually straight forward, while girls say one thing and mean the other - causing a language barrier. We expect you boys to read our minds and I’ll admit that it’s pretty ridiculous of us, but life is unfair and even I find myself doing it.

Here’s a brief lesson in translation, featuring our good friends, to ease the drama with your baby’s mama…


She says: Chris, I’m fine.

She means: I’m not fine because I’m pissed at you for something you didn’t know you did. I want to slash your tires so you better talk it out with me before I do.

2) She says: We need to talk Andy.

She means: I need to complain about something and it’s most likely a problem with you (in this case, his lack of African features below the waist).

3) She says: Take the bus. Will you do this for me Bao?

She means: You better do it to make me happy (whether I’m there or not) or else refer to #1.

4) She says: Stop crowning the light saber Jon! Are you listening to me?

She means: I need attention from you, you ding bat!

5) She says: I don't want to ruin our friendship Willy Bob.

She means: You're not attractive ( ain't go no alibi) so let's stay friends.

6) She says: I've just been so busy lately Bryan. I can't go to the Elton John concert with you.

She means: I'm not interested in hanging out with you and your gayness.

7) She says: The creepy manager at Baskin Robbins was hitting on me.

She means: Does it make you jealous? Another guy with a 401k is into me so you better appreciate and treat me well.

8) She says: Tony, do you really want to see Justin Bieber's documentary tonight?

She means: I don't want to see that and you better suggest something else or else refer to #1.

I hope this helps a bit and best of luck with the ladies!


J.Frosty said...

lmao, ding bat! and no i will not stop.

Mac OBryan said...

First the gay novel illustrations, and now these disparaging examples? Woman have you forgotten your place in the kitchen?

Thankfully, we do not hold grudges. I'm gonna to trash talk you right now in front of your face, then forget about it. As opposed to your kind, which would be talking behind your back for the next 2 weeks.

This got me thinking about writing a Rosetta Stone for the caveman:

Chapter the First:

Caveman Jon says: "I'm hungry." You better make him a sandwich or else you're getting a high five to the face.

Caveman Bryan says: "Leave me alone." You leave him alone or else you're getting a high five to the face.

Caveman Chris says: "I know where I'm going I'm not gonna ask for directions." You sit down and let him waste some time driving around, or else you're getting a high five to the face. And let's face it, if you were stuck in the wilderness, he may take a long time getting back home, but you would never have a chance.

Caveman Andy says: "Goony Goo-Goo". You... run away... before you get a high five to the face.

Willy Bob said...

LOL I love how all four situations contain high fives to the face. =p

Anh Di said...

I admit I lack african american features below the waiste

my thighs are way too white I know... sigh.

J.Frosty said...

she's talking about your penis