Women use subtle hints to get what they want, but that doesn’t always work out when men are slow to catch on. So to help both sides of the gender divide, let us explore more into this ridiculous language spoken by women…
She says: Khoa…we need to go see that movie!
She means: I want to go see that movie and you better too!
She says: Do what you want Tony.
She means: The correct decision should be obvious by now or else you’ll pay for this later.
She says:I’m not emotional and I’m not overreacting, Jon!
She means:Damn it…I’m on my period!
She says:No, Mc Donalds is fine Bryan.
She means:You’re a cheap bastard.
She says: Joe… I’ll only take five minutes.
She means: 5 minutes equivalent in a football game.
She says: Do I look fat in this, Chris?
She means: You better reassure me that I’m not fat!
She says: Whatever.
She means: Screw you!
Here’s a question for you male ballers: After reading this, if a girl used these hints on you…would you brush them off because she is not straight forward in communication, or would you accommodate those hints?
I think many of us have learned the hard way. The saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is true. But what they don't add is that it almost kills you. Heartbreak sucks.
Most guys start off as "a nice guy". You know, the type that can't speak even a single word to an attractive girl. And when they make it past that and get into a relationship, they better hope they get a nice girl because if they get a bossy girl they will be whipped. And eventually this abusive relationship will end, and the boy will start hating on girls and treat them all like shit. Is there an alternative?
When you're down in the dumps you can either give up hope and turn into a douche OR you can find that light deep down inside and dedicate yourself to becoming a knight in shining armor. I stress the "armor" because you are experienced and you'll know which girls take advantage of you. I stress "shining" because you need to be on the light side of the force, even douchebags and sith lords have armor. I stress "knight" because knights dedicate themselves to honor and chivalry, but they still train with swords. What kind of knight goes to war with flowers and a guitar? That's not a knight, that's a noob that will be ripped to shreds on the battlefield of love.
You know I am huge on analogies, but here's a simpler way of saying what I wanted to say. I've read "the player's guidebook" and while it mesmerized me before, it totally disgusts me now. (Now my sexism only goes as far as cracking a joke about women being in the kitchen). Players advocate taking advantage of women's vulnerabilities. That's how they get many girls. At the same time I pity "nice guys". They get walked over by not just mean girls but normal girls. And alot of nice guys become douchebags.
What's that you say? Girls are attracted to douchebags? Yes, because douchebags are mentally strong. It's in the female genes to go after a strong man, be it physically or mentally. But knights are also strong. You can be a strong guy and also be a good guy: one who stands for your own ideals. I am attracted to girls with passion and ideals, one that isn't super needy and feel that they need a guy to feel beautiful about themselves. In the same way, I think girls are attracted to guys with backbone. Douchebags definitely have that. But so do knights. It's hard to get out of the nice guy stage, and some guys only get out because of the hate and vengeance. But there is another way. Listen to this inspirational song:
Who Says (for Men) by SelenaGomez:
I wouldn't want to be anybody else.
You made me insecure, told me my cards weren't good enough.
But who are you to judge, when I'm a full house on the flop.
I'm sure you got some things you'd like to change about yourself.
But when it comes to me, I wouldn't want to be anybody else.
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
I'm no super star, I'm just supersize me.
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
You've got every right, to a testosterone life.
Come on!
Who says? who says you're not perfect, who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurting?
Trust me, that's the price of chivalry!
Who says you're not handsome?
Who says you're not Prince Charming? who says...
----------------------
So what about guys in an abusive relationship? You need to man up and you need to be RATIONAL. Think through this. The reason nice guys are "too nice" is that they do everything for their "true love" all the time. It makes them happy I'm sure, but that's a good sign that they are not seeing the big picture. I try to be nice to people and do favors when I can, but if they have unreasonable demands and do not consider my feelings, I'll tell them to gently screw themselves, perhaps by saying *British accent* "no, no I believe I do not want to do that ...mmm... indeed..."
Anyway back to the point: if it makes you feel happy to give to a person all the time, but you still feel empty and not fulfilled, then its an unbalanced relationship. You really need to be rational and look at the evidence. Look at the other person's actions. Are there some things that she does that drives you nuts? Why do you put it up with it? Is this what you imagined in an ideal girl? If she does things that you can't live with, you KNOW you shouldn't be together. To be fair and rational, make a pros and cons list. If the glove don't fit you must acquit!
Don't despair though. We aren't doomed to be over trodden nice guys or douchebags. There is hope! There is a middle path. Be nice to everyone. You will find worth in yourself when you give to everyone. You will transform into a knight. Be charitable. See the good in others. Trust in others. And when you find someone you like, you will be confident in yourself. Sure you should be nice, but you have to show that you aren't a pushover. Pretty girls are put on the pedestal by many guys, and you won't stand out. When you value yourself, you will see her as your equal, not some princess. And I think she will be attracted to that. Don't be a douche! Douchebags find worth in themselves by saying shit about other people to make themselves feel better. That same attitude translates into how they treat women. But we can be much better than that!
Growing pains are hard, but experiences are a necessity. You must know pain to overcome it. You must know darkness to defeat it with light. WE CAN BREAK THE CYCLE. We will be men of strength, honor, and virtue. And then we will walk up to that beautiful lady in red and ask *British accent* "may I have this dance?"
And what happens if you can't get that one girl? It's okay. Remember that you don't need anyone to make you feel happy or better. Ironically not only will make it feel better, but it'll help you be more interesting and attractive to the rest of the fish in the sea!
Men and women have certain cycles that most follow. Women are described as "waves" whereas men are described as "rubber bands". Not everyone is like this, but most people are.
The wave means that women are sometimes happy, and sometimes sad (we all knew that already). But did you know that in order to be truly happy, they have to feel the sad feelings? In the long term, to repress angry or sad feelings is to repress all feelings, even happy ones. Guys, never ever discount a women's feelings. That is who is she is, and to say she's being unreasonable is to discredit her being (more on this in a bit).
When women are at the top of the wave, they happily give love and nurture. But when they are on the downward movement of the wave, that's when they need caring the most. As a man, the best thing you can do is sit down and listen. And when she's relieved stress through sharing or ranting, she will eventually be on the upswing of her wave. But if you tell her "be reasonable" or "bitch you crazy!" she will be angry at you. Also, you're not allowing her to hit the bottom of her wave, which is the only way you can go up. It is a necessary catharsis. You see this in abusive relationships where the woman just becomes lifeless and stops caring.
Guys, on the other hand, are like rubber bands. When a man has been single for awhile, he feels the need to dedicate himself to someone. It makes him happy to do so. This is what makes a man go out of his way to impress a lady (grooming, dating, etc.) But a man also has a cycle. When he has been intimate for some time, he misses his independence. I'm not saying he wants to date other women. It just means he misses hanging out with his guys or going to the gym or just playing video games alone. This is his time to relax and find his identity again. It can be anywhere from a few hours to a few days. But the guy will come back to his lady and pretend that nothing ever happened and everything's cool. Once the rubber band is stretched, it will come back. Ladies, you must let your man have his freedom. If you try to repress him, you will either have an argument or he will repress his masculinity (just as an abusive guy makes a girl repress her feelings). We see it in relationships where the guy is whipped.
Do you see the problem with the differences? Why do you think some relationships hit a hard point after the honeymoon period is over? The guy starts to give less attention than he had before, and the girl isn't as lovey dovey as before, because she's on her downward wave and needs the guy's support more than before.
But it's okay! There are compromises! Knowledge is power, and it can help prevent many arguments. If a man knows how much women appreciate listening, he can feel that he is succeeding in the relationship instead of trying to figure out why his wife/gf is unreasonable (meaning he thinks he's failing somehow). If a woman knows why guys need their personal space, they won't feel abandoned. The guy needs to recharge his batteries and will come back. In this one case I think it's easier to be a girl than a guy. If a girl is having a bad day and the guy goes golfing, he's effed. If a guy is having a bad day, and the girl goes shopping, both sides will probably be happy by evening.
Review:
Men: if the girl looks distraught, you should ask her what's wrong and listen to her. If she says nothing is wrong but looks pissed, something bad happened. And you should let her know how much you care about her and that you will there to listen to her.
Women: if the guy looks pissed at something, ask him what's wrong. If he says nothing, give him his space. Don't baby him, it might annoy him more. He will get over it on his down.
*disclaimer* this is for most people, probably not applicable to manly girls or girly men
Finally, something not sarcastic.... NOT. No really here's some useful information. Pulled of course, from "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus".
How can you get a man to do something for you? Ask him nicely and give him a reason why you'd like him to do it. You have to ask directly and not subtle-ly because hints to not work, we don't read body language as well. For example, if my mom tells me to vacuum the house, I will do it when it's appropriate for me, like when I'm taking a study break. So I might wait until a couple days later or even the next day. But if she says that I need to vacuum because we have guests coming over in an hour, I will drop what I'm doing and do it right away. Just don't lie. You will be like the boy who cried wolf. Or you need help moving some boxes? Tell the guy that you need help because it's a little too heavy for you. He will be more likely to do it sooner because it shows that his help is actually needed rather than just a case of you being bossy. And this is the most important about asking a guy for your help, thank him with a smile. Women like to feel cherished and loved, men like to feel appreciated and needed.
The reason you need to acknowledge him and not abuse your requests is this: a guy never asks another guy for help (like ask for directions) because he wants to do it himself. So when a guy asks another guy for help, its something rare, and another guy will not turn it down because he knows that guy wouldn't ask for help if he could do it himself. The reason men hate some women is that they are NAGGERS. That's right the N word. They can easily do many things themselves but they just direct or ask for everything. Don't abuse your privileges with your male friends. Sure you can get the pushovers to do anything you want, but a real man will call you out on it. That is why when you ask a man for help, you should give him some reason, it will encourage his subconscious mind and he is more likely to do it. And thanking him after is positive reinforcement.
Also, how do you score points with men? Besides the obvious answers of looking pretty for him and initiating intimacy, you can score huge points with men by being understanding when they have failed. [Example: when Frosty fails to cover me in Battlefield when I defuse the bomb, I'm not gonna call him a crappy sniper. He simply just missed on this one shot.] Guys treat their friends failures with the best possible gift: silence. We pretend that it never happened. So when your guy friend is driving and seems lost, give him some time to figure it out (besides if you're pushing for time, it's most likely your fault that you guys left late). If he's still lost after some time, don't accuse him of anything. Don't say "do you know where you're going?" or "we're lost aren't we?". Instead use neutral words like "this area is confusing, let's pull into that gas station and see if they can help us out". Don't make him feel inferior. Your man will appreciate you and shower you with love. Another thing, if a guy is a bad driver, try to not say anything. But if you feel afraid for your life give him specific things like "please don't follow that car so close, I'm uncomfortable". Don't say "you are a horrible driver!"
Also theres another thing you need to realize. If a guy looks tired or is not talking to you, he's just tired. He's not ignoring you. Guys relieve their stress through quietness, not through talking like women. [example: do you know what guys talk about in the restroom? nothing, we avoid each other and go to the farthest stalls away from each other.] When your boyfriend comes home from a stressful day and you want to talk to him, give him thirty minutes to himself. In fact give him a beer or soda when he walks through the door. He will appreciate it. He needs the quiet to recharge. After that half hour you can talk to him and he will be much more attentive and reciprocating than if you had not given him that quiet time.
Lastly, if you're debating or arguing, realize that we use words literally, not figuratively. If you say "this is the hundredth time you've left the toilet seat up!" I will respond with "no it's like only the seventh time" Or if you say "you never take me out on dates anymore" I will respond with "what I took you out two months ago". What happens is that it ends up worse because while you think that you're giving out a plea for help, you think we are being uncaring. On the otherhand we think we are being reasonable and we think you are batshit crazy. When you are mad at a guy, use literal words and get to the point. There is no way for us to guess what you want.
Lesson 1 of me rehashing stuff from the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" to you guys.
It's always easier to get a gift for a male acquaintance than a female one. It's because guys like gifts that are gadget-ty or something activity related. If you don't know the guy at all, you can give stuff that most guys can use, for example... some speakers for a computer, a blender, an electric powered stapler, a fancy pen/laser pointer combo. Basically a guy will like any gadget and gizzmo. Just walk through a Staples or Best Buy. Think of something a guy would like to have but does have to have. Those make the best gifts. And they are available at any price range from $10-$100. It's so easy to get a cool gift for a guy you don't know. For example I got a Zippo from Frosty for Christmas. This was such a good gift. Why is it, you girls are wondering? 1- It looks cool and makes a cool sound 2- it has a function. Those are the two reasons why guys love gadget gifts. But this was a special case because Frosty knows I like military memorabilia like this, even if I don't smoke at all. So I've used the Zippo on everything, from fireworks to scented candles. In fact, you can say I go out of way to light things on fire just to use it. So even though the Zippo doesn't have a high functionality to my every day life, it doesn't matter. I think of things I can use it on, just to use it. Guys are like that.
Of course this gift was more personal because Frosty knows me. If you know a guy as an aficionado of something, you can give him a related gift. Like a basketball for the baller, some ankle weights for the iron man, or an airsoft gun for the gun nut (you know how women can never have too many shoes... yeah well this is the same case here). But it's the same idea, all these gifts have a function. Also it's something he may have wanted but not have to have. If you get something of a necessity, he already probably has it. One last thing, stay clear of self-help books, unless you guys are best friends and it's a joke. Women may like these type of gifts, but men take offense to it. It's insulting their pride and capabilities.
Girls are a much harder type to get gifts for if you know nothing about them. They like something that has an emotional meaning between the two people. You can give a girl flowers and she will feel special because the flowers are beautiful, and so you make her feel beautiful, and therefore she is happy. If you give flowers to a guy, he will think... great now I have to give this water, which will do nothing but slow down the inevitable demise of these already dead plants. Anyway, the emotion part means its hard to give an acquaintance a gift because you know nothing about her. And the double fail is that if you try to give her something you consider nice, she might think of it the wrong way. Examples... a girl likes you and shes been giving you signals and on her birthday you give her some flowers. But you only like her as a friend, which makes this gift a very bad idea. Or let's say your mom tells you the house is dirty, that's a hint that she wants you to clean it up. But you buy her a new super vacuum machine. You'd think this would make her happy because it's functional and looks cool (has a see-through vortex suction window) But women don't think that way. This gift just means you're a bastard who expects her to do your dirty work.
It's ironic that some gifts that women like the most can be totally useless in function. This is why flowers and scrapbooks work for women and not for men.It's all about the emotion in the gift. This is the reason why women appreciate self help books, they think you care enough about them to help them improve. You still need to be sensitive though, you can't give her a gym membership. So to review, women like a gift because 1- it reminds them of something about the other person 2 - it looks beautiful 3 - it makes them feel beautiful.
Here's another example of our gender differences: birthday cards. A girl will like a birthday card with pretty pictures and caring words from their friend. They will saw "awww" and hug their friend. She appreciates her friend for making her feel important and special. A guy will like a birthday card that opens up and has some funny song or disgusting picture. The guy is to make him laugh or say "eww what the hell". Either way, the guy will give a high five or fist pound to his buddy who gave him the card. He appreciates his friend for making him laugh.
Obviously, the monetary value of a gift always puts more meaning into the gift. That gift will be more cool and have more function for guys. And for women they represent the hard work the friend put into buying this gift, which reminds them of how special they are.
Here's an example of a big fight that happened between my friends because this guy and his girlfriend didn't understand how the other gender works. On his birthday, she took him to a place where they make pottery with their own hands. That is such a lame thing for a guy to go through. She should have known better. But he also should have known that his gf did it as a nice gesture, although in a wrong way for a male. So instead of gently pointing it out, he accused her of making him sit through the boring pottery lesson and wasting his day where he turned down a day with friends. Needless to say there was a huge argument which could have been avoided if they understood who each other's minds worked.
----------------------------------------------
Well this knowledge helps me with getting gifts for my mom and close friends, but what about female acquaintances? I know nothing about them so I don't what to get. What are examples of stuff that girls like? Women of BiA please let me know what are good gifts for a girl I don't know too well. I look forward to your comments.
You ask her if she’s mad and she claims that she’s not. Later on, she lashes out at you for not knowing she’s been upset. Sounds familiar? Before you are tempted to raise your hand and give her five fingers to the face, let me help you out!
It’s safe to say that guys are usually straight forward, while girls say one thing and mean the other - causing a language barrier. We expect you boys to read our minds and I’ll admit that it’s pretty ridiculous of us, but life is unfair and even I find myself doing it.
Here’s a brief lesson in translation, featuring our good friends, to ease the drama with your baby’s mama…
1)
She says: Chris, I’m fine.
She means: I’m not fine because I’m pissed at you for something you didn’t know you did. I want to slash your tires so you better talk it out with me before I do.
2)She says: We need to talk Andy.
She means: I need to complain about something and it’s most likely a problem with you (in this case, his lack of African features below the waist).
3)She says: Take the bus. Will you do this for me Bao?
She means: You better do it to make me happy (whether I’m there or not) or else refer to #1.
4) She says: Stop crowning the light saber Jon! Are you listening to me?
She means: I need attention from you, you ding bat!
5) She says: I don't want to ruin our friendship Willy Bob.
She means: You're not attractive (yu-gee-el-why...you ain't go no alibi) so let's stay friends.
6) She says: I've just been so busy lately Bryan. I can't go to the Elton John concert with you.
She means: I'm not interested in hanging out with you and your gayness.
7) She says: The creepy manager at Baskin Robbins was hitting on me.
She means: Does it make you jealous? Another guy with a 401k is into me so you better appreciate and treat me well.
8) She says: Tony, do you really want to see Justin Bieber's documentary tonight?
She means: I don't want to see that and you better suggest something else or else refer to #1.
I hope this helps a bit and best of luck with the ladies!
Willy Bob will help you to ask a girl on the first date. But then what? What should you do on that first date? Have no fear, MacLovin is here. First of all, you should do activities that let the girl know who you really are. You can take her out to the local park and have her run 5 on 5 ballin with your boys. Then you can take her home and take turns playing Modern Warfare for three hours. Getting hungry? Eat where you normally eat, whether it be some pho, or 79 cent tacos, or the McDollar Menu. Surprise her! Remember you want her to know who you REALLY ARE!
However I will also advise you to be more sweet and nice than you normally are. First impressions are important. You can tell her something like "I'm really excited to be here with you because kids always ask their parents what happened on their first date". Or you could tell her how beautiful she is every five minutes. It's the perfect way to break those awkward moments. When you got game like that, there is no such thing as an awkward moment. Observe:
Girl: I'm getting bored of playing gun games, do you have a Nintendo Wii? You: The Wii is for sissies Girl: umm ... okay... You: *eeeeyyyttt* Girl: ..... You: Girl you so beautiful. Like got-damn!
I know what you're thinking: When do I introduce her to the parents? Well you should wait for the perfect time. I think an ideal time is when the round ends. This gives you one minute to put down your controller. You can take the girl and introduce her to the parents, have some small talk for 40 seconds, then run back before the next round begins.
Follow these instructions and I guarantee you that girl will have a very STRONG impression of you by the end of the night. But you don't have to thank me, I just enjoy helping my fellow man.
Have you ever heard a girl say "I just want to be with a nice guy who cares about me" and end up seeing her with what you would consider a douchebag? Don't get your undies in a jumble because she's actually not lying and really means it. Your definition of a nice guy is probably different from her's...and let me tell you that your version of a nice guy would finish last!
When you fellas think of a "nice guy", you probably think of a guy who is selfless and would do anything for that special girl. Only problem here is that this "nice guy" comes off too available and accommodating, which makes him appear insecure, desperate and needy for the girl's attention. If you're doing and giving everything without her doing or giving anything, how does that make you look? That's right...like a doormat to be trampled on. lol
A girl's perspective of a "nice guy" does NOT mean one who: - is nervous and shy around people - lacks social skills (no game = no bueno) - calls or wants to hang out all the time (being clingy doesn't allow time for her to miss you) - accepts all demands from her (appears submissive and weak) - is always asking her what she wants (instead of you being a man and taking the lead at times)
What she DOES refer to is a guy that: - is confident in front of girls and other guys - knows how to flirt (gotta be smooth!) - enjoys time with the girl, but also has time for himself and his goals - is funny without being over the top
You can be a nice guy to girls...you just need to know how to interact and attract them. A guy who is emotionally strong (although physically wouldn't be bad either ;D) and confident is definitely desirable. Sure the guy that Juanita is with is a douchebag, but I bet he is more confident and outgoing compared to that "nice guy".
Valentine's Day is coming up at the end of the week. It's a neat holiday to look forward to whether you're in a relationship or single. While I agree that it is SAD for many (Single Awareness Day), it's no reason to be resentful of those who hold hands everywhere they go. While I can't define love, I can say that its the one virtue that makes us human. Everywhere I go, I see it at all different maturity levels. From the innocent crush of pre-teens to the visceral desires of teenagers to the commitment of marriage by young adults. Being single, I still really appreciate these things. I appreciate being in love and being single equally. Appreciate being in love because it's the greatest force in the world. The highs from young love induce dopamine levels in the brain that are near crack-addict levels. Appreciate being single because you get to be you whenever you want. You see things from outside the box, and you're mood doesn't fluctuate on the whims of another. Being in a relationship and being single is like yin and yang, one does not exist without the other.
Yes, love is a double-edged sword, but it wouldn't be fun without the risks. There's a reason why paintball is more fun than laser tag: its real, it's dangerous, and you're so full of adrenaline you can't think properly. And of course, it can hurt alot. But the bruises at the end of the day will heal, and you'll come back to the paintball park again in the future. And playing paintball is always fun :-) ... well unless you get shot in the nads like CP did to Frosty...
- Mac Lovin'
P.S. Haddaway looks like a douche, but considering that this was the early 90s and the Fresh Prince looked even more ridiculous, I say he qualifies for "superior".
Are you an Asian guy who just can’t seem to date the girl they want…or even get a date at all?! It’s okay son, this is meant for you! After much observation from my Asian homies, I will share my opinions (in a series of posts) on where they went wrong and break down tips on improving your chances with the ladies. *giggity giggity, alright!
Issue I
Problem:You have no balls…and possibly an inverted wiener.
I have seen countless times where Asian men settle or think they can't get a girl. If this is you, I urge you to si-top these habits right now! Asian guys have lost their confidence to approach the girl they want to date (who tends to be attractive and well put together). Since they perceive the girl as being out of their league, they don’t act on their feelings and admire her from afar. Sounds familiar? Well while you’re being a pansy, other men (usually from other races) are pursuing her – which gives her an idea of what her options are for dating. You obviously aren’t one of them because she doesn’t have a clue! Instead, you’re stuck dating people your parents or friends hook you up with (who are girls you weren’t interest in to begin with).Worse comes to worst, you settle on dating a girl from Vietnam who is a gold digger and says “I tock in-lit bay-bee. I lub yuu.” Like that would make you pitch a tent...
Solution: Just believe!
Inner confidence is about being brave, taking risks and feeling good about yourself. Even though you’ve been shot down in the past or feel like you’re no Fabio, you should continue believing in yourself. It's like why should a girl buy a product when the company who made it doesn’t stand behind it? Get out there and sell the girl on how amazing you are! Put your balls out there and if they happen to get stepped on, it hurts, but life goes on. Just rearm and re-evaluate the strategerie (according to the wise George Bush).
