I think many of us have learned the hard way. The saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is true. But what they don't add is that it almost kills you. Heartbreak sucks.
Most guys start off as "a nice guy". You know, the type that can't speak even a single word to an attractive girl. And when they make it past that and get into a relationship, they better hope they get a nice girl because if they get a bossy girl they will be whipped. And eventually this abusive relationship will end, and the boy will start hating on girls and treat them all like shit. Is there an alternative?
When you're down in the dumps you can either give up hope and turn into a douche OR you can find that light deep down inside and dedicate yourself to becoming a knight in shining armor. I stress the "armor" because you are experienced and you'll know which girls take advantage of you. I stress "shining" because you need to be on the light side of the force, even douchebags and sith lords have armor. I stress "knight" because knights dedicate themselves to honor and chivalry, but they still train with swords. What kind of knight goes to war with flowers and a guitar? That's not a knight, that's a noob that will be ripped to shreds on the battlefield of love.
You know I am huge on analogies, but here's a simpler way of saying what I wanted to say. I've read "the player's guidebook" and while it mesmerized me before, it totally disgusts me now. (Now my sexism only goes as far as cracking a joke about women being in the kitchen). Players advocate taking advantage of women's vulnerabilities. That's how they get many girls. At the same time I pity "nice guys". They get walked over by not just mean girls but normal girls. And alot of nice guys become douchebags.
What's that you say? Girls are attracted to douchebags? Yes, because douchebags are mentally strong. It's in the female genes to go after a strong man, be it physically or mentally. But knights are also strong. You can be a strong guy and also be a good guy: one who stands for your own ideals. I am attracted to girls with passion and ideals, one that isn't super needy and feel that they need a guy to feel beautiful about themselves. In the same way, I think girls are attracted to guys with backbone. Douchebags definitely have that. But so do knights. It's hard to get out of the nice guy stage, and some guys only get out because of the hate and vengeance. But there is another way. Listen to this inspirational song:
Who Says (for Men) by SelenaGomez:
I wouldn't want to be anybody else.
You made me insecure, told me my cards weren't good enough.
But who are you to judge, when I'm a full house on the flop.
I'm sure you got some things you'd like to change about yourself.
But when it comes to me, I wouldn't want to be anybody else.
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
I'm no super star, I'm just supersize me.
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
You've got every right, to a testosterone life.
Come on!
Who says? who says you're not perfect, who says you're not worth it?
Who says you're the only one that's hurting?
Trust me, that's the price of chivalry!
Who says you're not handsome?
Who says you're not Prince Charming? who says...
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So what about guys in an abusive relationship? You need to man up and you need to be RATIONAL. Think through this. The reason nice guys are "too nice" is that they do everything for their "true love" all the time. It makes them happy I'm sure, but that's a good sign that they are not seeing the big picture. I try to be nice to people and do favors when I can, but if they have unreasonable demands and do not consider my feelings, I'll tell them to gently screw themselves, perhaps by saying *British accent* "no, no I believe I do not want to do that ...mmm... indeed..."
Anyway back to the point: if it makes you feel happy to give to a person all the time, but you still feel empty and not fulfilled, then its an unbalanced relationship. You really need to be rational and look at the evidence. Look at the other person's actions. Are there some things that she does that drives you nuts? Why do you put it up with it? Is this what you imagined in an ideal girl? If she does things that you can't live with, you KNOW you shouldn't be together. To be fair and rational, make a pros and cons list. If the glove don't fit you must acquit!
Don't despair though. We aren't doomed to be over trodden nice guys or douchebags. There is hope! There is a middle path. Be nice to everyone. You will find worth in yourself when you give to everyone. You will transform into a knight. Be charitable. See the good in others. Trust in others. And when you find someone you like, you will be confident in yourself. Sure you should be nice, but you have to show that you aren't a pushover. Pretty girls are put on the pedestal by many guys, and you won't stand out. When you value yourself, you will see her as your equal, not some princess. And I think she will be attracted to that. Don't be a douche! Douchebags find worth in themselves by saying shit about other people to make themselves feel better. That same attitude translates into how they treat women. But we can be much better than that!
Growing pains are hard, but experiences are a necessity. You must know pain to overcome it. You must know darkness to defeat it with light. WE CAN BREAK THE CYCLE. We will be men of strength, honor, and virtue. And then we will walk up to that beautiful lady in red and ask *British accent* "may I have this dance?"
And what happens if you can't get that one girl? It's okay. Remember that you don't need anyone to make you feel happy or better. Ironically not only will make it feel better, but it'll help you be more interesting and attractive to the rest of the fish in the sea!
